Here is more about me, and the story of how and why Awaken Your Medicine came to be, for those who want!...
Most people know me as a musician / singer/ songwriter... This has been the raison d'être throughout my life. Over the last decade, the intention behind playing became less about entertainment, and more about creating and holding spaces for people to dive deep within.. a kind of shamanic journeying through sound.
I realised that it wasn't so much about the music as it was about where the music took me and others, the power that it has to shift emotions, open up realms within the psyche, and ultimately to evoke transcendental experiences. And I realised there are other tools that take us there as well.
And so I began to offer retreats that incorporated music, movement, breathwork and more to catalyse transformation, empowerment, deep connection to Self. The end-goal was creating the possibility of profound connection and self-realisation for people, and I began to study and weave in different techniques and modalities that could bring us closer to that intention.
I wouldn't be able to offer transformational experiences for others if I hadn't been through the fire myself. Let's rewind a couple of decades and share more about my personal journey of transformation...
THE SEEKING BEGINS
I've been a "seeker" since the age of 17, when I travelled alone to India, breathed the incense-filled air of the ghats in Varanasi, and became fascinated by the worlds of meditation and spirituality that imbued the place (it was Kumbh Mela at the time).
Returning from this round-the-world trip after 6 months in Asia, I dropped my medical degree, and studied Asian and African music and SE Asia culture! I had no idea where it would take me, but following my heart was the priority.
* * *
SEXUAL - SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
During the final year of uni, I had a spontaneous sexual – spiritual awakening. The universe made love to me! Although no one was touching me physically, I was in pure orgasmic ecstasy, totally surrendered to the infinite energy of life flowing through, with me at it’s centre.
This experience early on as an adult gave me the real-life experience of the potential of spirituality, that there is indeed something to meditation, there is a state of being that is so incredibly profound and blissful that goes way beyond our everyday waking-consciousness state. It also showed me the profound possibilities of sexual energy as a path to reach those states, and shaped the direction of my life forever. I yearned to touch that magical place again!
I had the spontaneous awakening, but then came back to normal everyday consciousness (feeling like I'd been given a gift of the Gods!). But how to get back there!?!
This inspired me deeper on my spiritual search, exploring various practices to tread the pathway back: music, yoga, meditation, ecstatic dance, tantra, plant medicine, sound healing, shamanic journeying, inner inquiry and more.
* * *
Nearly a decade ago, I met the love of my life, who facilitated plant medicine ceremonies. Some called him a shaman, some called him a therapist, some called him a spiritual leader. I attended one of his ceremonies as a musician, and never left! For 7 years, we offered incredibly deep and life-changing workshops for thousands of people around the world, and at our retreat centre, Terramaya, that we built together in the jungle of Brazil.
During those 700+ ceremonies, I learnt what it is to "hold space" through sound, to create a container through music, how to tune in to the space and improvise according to what the room needs in the moment, how to take us deeper, how to take us higher, how to build up and release energetic blocks that I sense people are experiencing. All parts of self are welcome , and my role was to hold the energetic space for that, and guide it when needed.
Of course, this also meant doing my own deep inner work.. you can't "hold space" if there is no spaciousness inside you!
* * *
Back to my beloved... Our love shared a level of intimacy and totality that I had only ever dreamed of. We met soul to soul, from the very depths, and shared everything with each other. Nothing was held back as the love was strong enough to contain it all. Through our love, I learnt what it means to be truly open and vulnerable with another. And I became really aware when the walls of protection and wounding came up, and practised navigating through the reaction back to love. Our relationship was a spiritual practice.
Through our sexual intimacy, I again entered states of uniting with existential energy, as our energies merged into one and together we were danced by life. Pure bliss, wildness, freedom!
Over the years of spiritual practice, I’ve been learning pathways back to that place of ecstatic union!
* * *
Last March, my beloved died. This past year, I've been moving through intense grief and loss.
Without a doubt, the deep inner work and cultivating "spaciousness" of the last years has stood me in much better stead to be able to deal with the pain of bereavement. As did the incredible community that formed around our work: I was held in a worldwide web of love and support, for which I'm eternally and deeply grateful.
* * *
A big part of healing the profound pain has been through getting back into my body. Sexual energy has been a crucial part of this - it "brought me back to life after being so close to death". It has helped me access and release deeper layers of grief, and it has brought joy, pleasure and aliveness back amongst the many moments of mourning. It has re-connected me to my energy, love of life, confidence, feeling good in the body, and to deep belly laughter.
Sexual energy has helped heal my most painful wounds. It has awakened me to the mystical truths of existence. It fuels my unlimited creative flame and potential. It has given the spiritual glue for the most loving, intimate relationship imaginable. And, oh!... It’s given sooo much damn pleasure in the process!!!
Another significant aspect of the healing journey has been creating Awaken Your Medicine. After my beloved passed, the thought that "it can't be in vain" has been so strong within me. Something positive had to come from his death, or it was too bleak to think about. It couldn't just be the loss and end there.
* * *
So, this year I've been channelling my energy into creating Awaken Your Medicine as a platform through which to support others: to create the space, and give the tools and practices for you to alchemise pain and challenges into gold, break free of disempowering beliefs, and open to the divine wisdom and essence that lies within.
To better enable me to serve you, I've got certified as a life coach, and am in training to be a Compassionate inquiry practitioner.
Over the coming months and years, I intend to continue creating other offerings. Awaken Your Musical Medicine and Awaken Your Vocal Medicine programs are plans in the pipeline, Awaken Your Love Medicine... the possibilities are endless! It will all be in support of you awakening into your true self, able to show up to life fully, freely and authentically you.
I look forward to sharing the journey with you!